It’s Not a Lie, if You REALLY Believe it

20 years ago I was living and working in Colorado. Best 5 years of my working life.

Notice I said, “working life,”

One of the saddest things in this fallen world is “Al Bundy Syndrome,” some poor slob who peaked in high school, and has been on a downhill slide ever since. This was never going to be a problem for me, given just how much I hated high school, and the vast majority of my classmates, but it’s still a real thing.

How often have you heard someone reminiscing about “the good old days?” For that matter, have you ever found yourself reminiscing about the good old days? If you have, STOP.

Your “good old days” should be right now. Even with my struggles with depression, as I watch the land of my birth slouch into tyranny, my best days are right now.

Anyway, back when, our sales chick asked me, “Have you seen the Seinfeld episode when…”

Before she could say another word, I reflexively interjected with, “No.”

She looked a little puzzled. “But I haven’t told you which episode.”

“Doesn’t matter, I haven’t seen it.”

Blank look.

“I’ve never actually seen an episode of Seinfeld.”

Blank stare.

She was smart, funny (not to mention fine), but the poor girl simply couldn’t compute me never having seen a complete Seinfeld episode. I still haven’t, to this day.

Not for want of opportunity, of course. I mean, the only way to avoid having seen a complete episode of Seinfeld, or Rosanne, or Three’s Company, or any of a plethora of other painfully unfunny sitcoms is to have deliberately avoided them?

“Seinfeld unfunny, Andrew? How can you judge that without having seen it?”


I said, “…never having seen a complete Seinfeld episode.” Complete is the operative word. Back in the mid 90s, Seinfeld reruns used to play before Married With Children reruns. If I tuned in a few minutes early, I would see the final minute or two, with the climactic punchline, and the little bits of stand up “comedy” at the end of each episode.

I’ve laughed once at something in a Seinfeld ep. ONCE. And that was having regularly seen the “funniest” bits of the show.

So, no. I. Have. Never. Watched. Seinfeld.

But it’s such an influential bit of pop culture, that even I am not immune to references like the fat, balding loser character saying, “It’s not a lie, if you really believe it.”

Which, oddly enough, is completely true. A lie is a willful deception. You can speak wrongly, without lying.

Which brings me to Canada’s Liberals. Who genuinely believe that’s it’s not really fascism if they do it.

Blackface Hitler is genuinely stupid. Like, dumb as a bag of wet hair. I’m quite sure that in his dim, poorly functioning brain, calling in the Gestapo to trample Native Grannies in walkers isn’t fascist.

I’m sure, in the dark, dank recesses of his tiny little brain, he thinks he’s the good guy. So, if you oppose him, you’re opposed to the good guy, which makes you the bad guy. So whatever he does to you is justified. Because he’s the good guy, and you’re the bad guy.

Now, this is acceptable reasoning if you’re either (1) a child, or (2) as dumb as a rock, and morally stunted to boot. Both of which describe man-boy, Blackface Hitler to a “T.”

On the other hand, if you’re possessed of a functioning brain, the thought process is twisted, and the logic is garbage. If you support this, if you support him, you’re a totalitarian, fascist monster.

Sadly, this describes a third of the Canadian voting public, also known as “Liberals.” Morally repugnant. Intellectually stunted. Vicious, petty, brainless monsters.

Yes, Liberals, it really is totalitarian, even when you do it.