Premier Doug Ford of Ontario spent much of the past week teasing his Thursday (January 20th) COVID restrictions announcement for the Province of Ontario. On Wednesday (I believe) he even teased his announcement as “good news for gyms and restaurants.”
Premier Jellyfish.
I’ve been ripping on Premier Ford for months now, likening him to the Staypuft Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters. This is a disservice. To the Staypuft Marshmallow Man. You see, Staypuft was a terror; a huge, scary thing brought into existence to be the destroyer.
While Doug Ford is certainly the destroyer; destroyer of businesses, destroyer of the middle class, destroyer of children, destroyer of education, destroyer of mental health, etc., he was not called into existence to be this. He was elected to be the opposite, the protector of those things. To repair the damage 15 years of incompetent, corrupt Liberal mis-governance.
Similarly, in my less polite moments, I referred to him as Premier Fat Fascist Fuckwit. Again, I do a disservice. To fascists. As loathsome as fascists are, at least they have a purpose, and act decisively. Ford, nah, not so much.
Therefore, going forward, I shall refer to Doug Ford as Premier Jellyfish. Jellyfish are bloblike creatures, devoid of backbone, that drift on the ocean currents with little power to effect their own motion. I can think of no better description of Doug Ford.
Premier Ford Lied.
As regards his supposed “good news for gyms and restaurants” announcement, it was not. I know it is the nature of politicians to lie. It is what they do, it is what they are. But I do have a certain expectation that supposedly right of centre politicians lie less, because they are held in check by an adversarial press corps which leans 92% to the left.
The press will change the actual words you say into lies, in order to accuse you of lying. Why actually lie to give them ammunition. I don’t generally accuse people I disagree with of stupidity, but I have to ask, Premier Ford, are you really this dumb?
Premier Jellyfish teased good news, and delivered…a mild lifting of COVID restrictions. 50% capacity in gyms and restaurants? Not until the 31st of January? None of this is good news, this is the timorous bleating of a spineless coward, to afraid of…something (God and Premier Jellyfish alone know what).
Family gatherings limited to 10? No lifting of the school mask mandate that even the CDC and WHO now say is completely useless?
No removal of the vaccine passports? Ford still wants us to be East Germany with maple syrup with these God forsaken internal travel passports.
Even after this announcement, we in Ontario still suffer under some of the most draconian COVID restrictions in the world. Yes, next door in Quebec, they’re even worse, but comparing yourself to the French is a really low bar to clear. And speaking of the French, even in France they’re lifting restrictions faster than Premier Jellyfish Ford.
No, Doug, that was not good news. You lying, spineless sack of bovine excrement.
