Andrew, You Really Drink a Lot of Coffee

Many years ago, when we had but one child, my wife and I were eating at the Chinese buffet. Said (very young) child slept through most of dinner, but after numerous plates, as I was reaching “full up,” he awoke. He was a generally very placid child, cheerful, happy and a great sleeper, but sometimes he woke up in his car seat a bit cranky.

This was one of those times.

So, I picked him up, and went outside for a little stroll, a bit of fresh air and to cheer the little goof up. Once he was his normal happy self, we returned indoors to my wife, sitting at a table full of empty plates, with a bemused look on her face. A little girl from the next table came over, looked at the table, looked at her and announced, “You sure eat a lot of food.”

I got to thinking about that story when my coworker told me this morning, “Andrew, you really drink a lot of coffee.”

Well, actually…I don’t. 3 cups a day, sometimes 4. Which, by the way, is the sweet spot for coffee intake. Deaths from all causes are reduced for each cup you drink daily, up to 3 or 4. Beyond that there is no notable increased benefit. I’ve written on this before, but I can’t be assed to look it up. Search the archives, if you’re interested, try “So You’re Thinking of Quitting Coffee,” I think that’s what I called it. It’s full of links and everything.

Anyway, E and I were chatting about this, and I got to thinking, I do drink a fair bit of coffee. You see, I like coffee. And while coffee is the number one source of antioxidants in the American diet, I don’t think most people actually like the stuff.

Wait, wut? But Andrew, coffee is a multi billion dollar business.

Yes, and the most famous name in coffee is Starbucks, which spends a tremendous amount of time and effort making coffee drinks that taste like, well, pretty much anything but coffee.

Basically, if you need more than 3 words to order your coffee, you don’t like coffee. You like the caffeine kick, but not coffee itself.

Watch; medium black coffee.

3 words, and the drink I get will taste like…coffee.

There are a lot of things like this. Alcohol, turkey, vegetables. Nobody actually likes these things, which is why people spend inordinate amounts of time disguising the taste. Sauces, and other ingredients, sweeteners and the like. Really, if people actually liked vodka, would they hide it in screwdrivers and Bloody Marys? I don’t think so.

Booze is like coffee, three words.

Scotch, rocks.

Gin and tonic.

If the thing you “like” is hidden under layers of stuff to disguise what it truly is, then you don’t actually like that thing. Maybe it’s time to reassess whether it belongs in your life.