I’m Sorry
It’s Monday, which means it’s Yoga for Posture day, but the title says it all.
I’m sorry, I have nothing. Not the, “and I’ve got…nothing” that I use to launch into a story that actually brings me back around to the topic of the day. No, it’s a genuine, “I’m sorry, I have no posture exercise today, and I’m not interested in cooking one up.”
There are things I know I should be doing, but I can’t be assed to make myself do them.
I have a lot to work on:
- A JV product launch
- A web based course
- My pilot course
- Branding
- List building
But it simply isn’t there. I simply am not there.
Summer’s End
We’re approaching the end of the summer and I’m having a middling bad day. For the longest time, the approach of Labour Day meant summer was ending and school was coming back. Then I finished University and Labour Day’s approach just meant that the days were getting shorter, the nights cooler, and the fish were feeding up for the winter.
Then I had kids, and Labour Day once again meant that school was coming back. I know so many parents, far too many, who celebrate the return of school because their children are out from underfoot and someone else’s responsibility.
I’m not that guy, and my wonderful wife isn’t that lady. I hate losing all the time I have with my boys. These past months of being home with them all day, every day, have been the best months of my life. I was blessed to get 6 months to be a full time, stay at home dad and it’s been amazing.
Soon, I lose that.
Oh, I know they need to get back to school to get their educations, see their friends, and have their lives return to normal. Yes, I know it. I just hate it.
Then I look back over the summer, and as I see what I’ve accomplished, and what I need to do, I get pissed with myself for not getting further. So many plans and ambitions, and so few tangible results.
And I look to next week and realize that I’m preparing for the last week at my parents’ cottage, ever. Soon that wonderful retreat, that place of peace, and quiet, and solitude, and beauty will be gone from my children’s’ lives, and my life, forever.
I could handle it better if I didn’t have the boys, but I do. They love it even more than I do, and I hate to see them losing it, even more than I hate losing it myself. Every weekend this summer it got harder to come home Sunday, because we knew there was one less trip left.
As I approach this final trip, the memories swirl through my head, more and more. With one, terrible exception, they are all good memories, and I have only one final week to relive them, redo them, make a few more, take a few final pictures, and to say good bye.
I hate change.
As I get older, change gets harder. This change is necessary, and overdue, but it still sucks, and it’s sucking the joy out of me.
And joy is the place that my writing comes from. I want to have a yoga for posture post, but here I sit, slouched in my chair, and…I don’t have it. I’m doing my job, I’m feeding my boys and I’m still plugging away on some behind the scenes stuff.
But the joy? That I do not have.
Sorry.
