September is here, and the kids are back in school. For many parents, this is a cause for celebration, and to those parents I say, “Why the fuck did you have children if you don’t want to spend time with them?”
I can’t get enough time with my kids, and there’s no way I’m wishing, or grateful, for less, but back to school it is, and I miss them.
Last year this kicked off one of the longest and deepest spirals of my 40 year battle with depression. A spiral to a place so deep and dark it almost ended with me playing in transport truck traffic to escape.
But they say forewarned is forearmed, and I am determined that this year will be different.
We choose to use the new year as an opportunity for renewal, for change, for transformation; after all, that is what New Year’s Resolutions are about.
This year I choose to take the new school year as my new beginning. My renewal. My transformation.
I spent a good chunk of the summer laying the groundwork to finally launch an email list, with a book, and two courses potentially on offer. I researched email service providers, framed out landing pages, and outlined the courses.
I’m in the good enough zone, as in “good enough and done is better than perfect, because perfect never happens.” I’ve been there for weeks, but I got there in early August, when I could feel the return to school approach, so I paused.
I paused to soak up the last glorious weeks of time spent with the boys.
But now it’s September. School is in. And I’m out of excuses.
Now, if I don’t launch, the failure (again) to launch, combined with the boys’ absences, will start the spiral.
Knowing what is coming is a powerful thing. I know that if I fail by not trying, I will get down on myself. I know that the boys going back to school will weigh on me.
So I know that using September as my new year, my time to start again, I can use the triumph of doing something to help combat the helplessness that comes from the passage of time.