I’ve written a couple of pieces lately about how I miss StandUpRight.ca. No, not the website I’m writing on at this very moment, but rather the website I wrote for years before (1) the world lost its mind, causing (2) a mental health crisis which, (3) dropped me into the despairing depths of depression.
Say, I like that alliteration, “the despairing depths of depression.”
Hmm, I think I can tighten it up a bit, how about, “the desperate depths of depression?” Yes, that’s it. The crisis dropped me into the desperate depths of despair. Where I have found myself, on and off, for almost a year.
The difficulties of despair are manifold, but the one that is germane at this moment is this; it’s exhausting. Adding the weight of despair, to the other burdens in your life is really loading up the old proverbial camel.
My life has been touched by suicide, and one thing that I, as a victim of depression, understand that others don’t is this very thing. There is a final straw, which breaks the camel’s back. I remember the upset and anger when “N” hanged himself.
- “How could he do that?”
- “He took the selfish way out.”
- “I’m not going to his funeral, I don’t want to remember him that way.”
I tried to explain, without delving into my very real, very personal understanding of how it could happen, that these sentiments were misguided. Generally to no avail. Sadly, I wasn’t ready at that time to let people know the real me, in order to try to help them truly understand his point of view.
I am now, but this is also not really the point of this story.
The point is this; the added burden of depression uses up your energy, sapping you of strength needed for other tasks.
I haven’t done yoga in…I genuinely have no idea how long. It’s been “my posture is slipping, and my back now hurts while working at my desk” weeks, though.
So what does this mean?
It means (1) I’m going to have to recommit to daily yoga. It also means (2) StandUpRight.ca, the REAL StandUpRight.ca is BACK, BABY.