I’ve had a typical Andrew week, but with a twist; good, followed by bad. The twist being turning the bad into motivation to push for more good.
It started with progress on my New Year’s intention, today marks day five of posting every day. Yesterday was tough, but schedule and discipline came in. Wait for inspiration, wait for motivation, wait forever. Create a schedule and apply discipline, shit gets done.
And I got a piece of crap news that provided the energy to push forward.
Friday, I got another data point in my ongoing research into how very little my work is respected and valued within my department. Funnily enough, management pays lip service to how important what I do is, but where the rubber meets the road, they don’t show it. Other departments, which depend on my work output, love it, but my department? Not so much.
Years ago this could have (and has) triggered a depression cycle.
This week? Not so much.
Irritation? Hell yes.
Depression? A touch, very mild, certainly within the range of what I can deal with.
I no longer find life’s purpose in my work. Back when I was my job? Yah. Now when my life’s purpose is “husband and father?” No.
I began preparing the off ramp from my career five or six years ago. Depression has derailed that construction project repeatedly, and it is the very process of dealing with my depression that has given me extra tools to keep building that off ramp.
Getting fucked over by work used to pull me down. It uncaged the depression, and I had to fight it before all else.
Now, getting fucked over by work is simply energy. It provides the motivation to push harder so the day that I can pull the ripcord (to mix a metaphor) comes all the sooner.
I don’t have enough life left in front of me to allow the fucksticks in management to take any of it away.