Once you’ve revealed the ugly truth hidden beneath the grey mist of depression, then…what?
Over the years, many an ugly thought has popped into my head. The worst amongst them?
- I don’t have good days.
- I hate my life.
- I hate myself.
- I want to die.
There are many more, but the one thing they have in common is that none of them are true.
Yes, I have bad days, but everything is relative. My good days are your bad days (and my bad days are your worst days). So what? They’re still my good days, and I even have occasional days that would be your good days. Those are the best days of my life, and contain the most precious of my moments.
I have a great life; wonderful wife, amazing kids, decent job doing something I enjoy, and I’m good at.
I don’t hate myself, I hate my depression, and some of the things it has led me to do.
I don’t want to die. In my darkest moments, I want it, I long for it, I ache for it, but that (again) is the depression. In the wonderful moments I want to live forever, to see how it will all turn out. To see my wonderful boys grow into great men. To meet my grandchildren.
Beneath the grey mist of depression is pain, but I’m used to pain.
There is also beauty, and joy, and wonder. The trick is to look past the pain to find them.