Yesterday I tacked a new piece of advice onto “Just Show Up,” advising you to “Relax, let go, it will come.” But, what will come? Ha, trick question, one that has no answer, and a million answers.
Great, Andrew, now you’re talking in fortune cookies?
No, not really. Well, okay, maybe. A little.
The thing is, there’s no definitive answer to the question because the answer depends on who is asking the question, and why. What will come?
- If you’re my old boss, looking to lose weight and get healthy, weight loss will come.
- If you’re me, looking to stop pulling groin muscles in hockey, core strength and mobility will come.
- If you’re stressed out, cortisol busting and relaxation will come.
- If you’re sleep deprived, a good night’s rest will come.
- If you suffer mood swings, calmness and peace of mind will come.
Same question, “What will come?” five answers. So, really, no answer and a million answers. But it’s more than that, because sometimes what comes is something you never expected.
Several years back my wife and I went through a very bad patch. I’d been laid off, and the consulting gig I took wasn’t making up the lost income. We were trying to conceive our second child, and having great deal of difficulty doing so. Doctor’s appointments, ovulation strips, scheduling, blech.
Then, when she finally did conceive, she had a very difficult, very stressful pregnancy, which culminated five weeks premature labour. Poor little guy had enough troubles that he had to be transferred to another hospital, in another city, and she had to go with him to live in the mommy rooms.
Over the first year, he had lingering health issues from the premature birth, and the new gig picked up enough to strain our time, but not enough to fix our finances. I finally got a new job, but as a contractor, not an actual employee.
We were stressed, and angry, and fighting all the time. I wasn’t being a good daddy, and I wasn’t being a good husband.
In the depths of that bad patch, around the little guy’s first birthday, my wife started practicing Bikram Yoga four times a week. As luck would have it (and so many of the great things in my life have come down to luck) it was April, so winter hockey was ending, summer hockey was only once a week, and the yoga club had a really good sale. I started a regular practice, too.
And I showed up.
And I relaxed, let go, and just let it come.
And what came? By the end of that first summer:
- We were talking again and actually working to resolve our problems
- The job I’d finally found had gotten through the “try before you buy” contract period and I was on full time, so our finances were improving.
- Kid number two was on the upswing, and his health problems were healing.
- My weekly migraines were going away.
- My body was getting tougher, leaner and more limber.
- I was devoting the attention I should to my boys, and my wonderful wife.
But wait, there’s more.
Fast forward a couple of years. We were happy, our first was in kindergarten so we’d bought a house in a nice neighborhood with a great school. We chose a house big enough that if we wanted another kid, and we could conceive (remember, conceiving kid two was…not easy), we would have room.
So, about two weeks after we moved in, and about a week after we decided to try for the third, my wife announced, “Andrew, I think I’m pregnant.”
Wait, wut? After the months long holy mission needed to conceive number two? One try?
Then followed the easiest of her three pregnancies, followed by the happy, healthy, hilarious holy terror that is our number three.
Relax, let go, and it will come. What? I don’t know, it depends on who is asking, and it depends on the question. For me what came was the best years of my life, and they’re still coming.
And a final note for those of you who made it this far. Our second is healthy as a horse, happy as a clam, and as smart as a whip. He had a rough start, but he’s never let anything stop him, and he’s doing great.