It’s been a long two weeks.
Whatever it was that knocked me sideways bringing on my latest turn with depression doesn’t matter. What matters is how I deal with it.
It’s not whether you get knocked down; it’s whether you get back up.
Too many times over the years I let the depression knock me down. Too many times over the years I took too long getting back up. Hell, it happened as recently as last fall.
I got knocked two weekends ago. So what? I get knocked all the time, but this time, I didn’t get knocked down.
I was like a punch drunk boxer, wobbling, but still on my feet. Staggering around, staying in the fight.
It wasn’t pretty, and it wasn’t easy, but for the first time, in a long time, I fought the depression to a standstill. Through this latest bout, I maintained more of my baseline commitments than ever before, and yesterday I got up thinking, “I’m back.”
And I am.
One of the worst feedback loops of the depression is the depressed makes you tired, and tired makes you depressed loop. I’m at the end, but fuck me am I tired.
Hopefully two good nights’ sleep will cure that, and I can go back to pushing forward.