Pain Sucks, Sleep Deprivation Sucks More, Depression Sucks Most of All

One of the problems I have with dealing with either pain, or depression, is that they both suck. They suck on their own, and they particularly suck together.

The first time I heard the word “synergy” I remember thinking “What the fuck? That’s not a real word.”

Unfortunately, as an engineer, and as a guy raised by a (former) high school English teacher, I have a thing about words. And grammar. And syntax. Okay, I admit it, I’m fussy about the proper use of the English language as a tool for communication. Made up buzz words tend to piss me off.

The thing is, the idea of synergy doesn’t piss me off, two things combining together to make the whole greater than the sum of its parts is awesome. That’s kind of the whole point of so many great things in life:

  • my marriage
  • my kids
  • the bits and pieces that create a mechanical design
  • peanut butter and chocolate

Concept? Great. Made up buzz words? Garbage.

Anyway, I hurt my back on Friday. Too much stress, too much shoveling, not enough yoga. End result, lumbar pain.

So, I went to bed with a sore back, end result, a bad night’s sleep. Actually, two bad nights’ sleep.

Saturday was the anniversary of the worst depression of my life, and as hard as I tried, I couldn’t escape having to relive some of it. I got pulled into the vortex and swirled around a bit.

Sunday, I woke up in pain, tired and depressed. The toxic combination of the three basically robbed me of two weekend days when I might have been playing with my kids. Instead I was locked in a death match with ol’ monster depression.

It was a very bad, no good, not fun time.

Fortunately, I can now tell my wife when I’m suffering. She took the most energetic of the three for a mommy/little guy day. I watched Cobra Kai with number 1,and number two spent an afternoon watching Captain Underpants.

A few mindless hours of entertainment, hanging out with my boy, a heat pack on my sore back, Voltaren on my back, a couple of Advil, and an early night to bed later, I got up today back to (what constitutes) normal and ready to face the world.

And then the Fat Fascist Flatworm caved to the truckers, and his major donors, and announced a much greater lessening of the fascism, much faster than he had planned.

An all around good day.